My problem is I don't honor all the choices I've made in my life.
What I mean by this is the following:
I have no problem honoring a choice when it is positive, or things run smoothly, no mistakes, no mishaps… everything is good.
I do have a problem honoring the choices I've made when things go wrong, become negative, or change course. Especially regarding relationships such as romantic or friendship and sometimes work.
If something goes badly, becomes negative, isn't supportive, fulfilling, reciprocal, becomes off balanced; I get bewildered, anxious, go into shock. These are all victim traits as I have then given my power away, by reacting emotionally.
Instead of being able to approach a situation, or communicate my unhappiness, what my wants and needs are in a situation, I pull back even more and become isolated in my feelings. Those feelings become a negative reaction to what I'm experiencing. (A negative experience, a negative reaction.) I become so isolated with my feelings, that I start judging and criticizing what is happening 'outside' of me. And everything I see, witness, and experience, supports my judgments and criticisms.
It's not to say that I'm entirely wrong about any given person, situation, or relationship but there is always more to the story, and it is 'in' my reaction that makes it becomes 'wrong'. Wrong, because I over re-act on an emotional level, which brings drama to a situation, instead of being able to asses my feelings, acknowledging them, and then to be able to express myself in a stable, balance state of mind.
I'm so selfish with my own feelings of discomfort, judgment and criticism that I get stuck there and really have a hard time opening my self up to the possibilities that the other people or person, might be going through their own crap. This is because I'm stuck in victim mentality where I think others are just 'bad' people and therefore are the one's to be blamed for my unhappiness.
People are just people. There isn't anything to fear. The majority of the people aren't bad people so much as it people behaving badly or what they are doing/saying or how they're acting/reacting is unacceptable. Most of the time, they do not even know they are behaving badly. This would be their unconscious behavior. And yet, it is this or their behavior I'm reacting so strongly to. And it is in my reactions that my behavior becomes bad, or unacceptable.
And for whatever the reasons, I made the choice to allow these people/relationships/situations into my life. I can't just pick and choose what I will honor and what I will not, it's all a part of me and who I am. If I choose to honor one and not the other, I'm not being completely honest with myself, I'm splintering myself, and I short changing myself the opportunity to learn more about myself by opening up to communication and moving out of victim reactionary behavior. The only way to honor myself in this way, is to open myself up instead of closing myself off. This is the fear I have to move beyond. Fear, created by the worry and anxieties of realizing some of my choices may not have been very sound. It won't go away if I shut people out and shut down my feelings.
I'm also short changing others by not allowing them the chance to express themselves their side of the story. Maybe they feel the same as I do, but I'll never know that unless there is communication. Someone has to start, to be the 'leader'. Why do I need to wait around for someone else to start? I'm responsible for me and my own happiness. And it seems apparent to me that this would be part of a healing process. And the process of wholeness, balance, self respect and self love.
And so if the others explain their story, it doesn't make what they did acceptable or excuse their behavior, but it at least allows me to have more grace, more compassion, and more empathy, regarding other people and situations. As maybe I'll need the same respect in return.
The way we treat ourselves is the way we treat others. (Do onto other's, as you'd have done to you.) Well no wonder it makes sense that I shut people and situations out of my life just because I made a mistake in choosing, or a wrong choice, in who or what I've allowed into my life. In my victim reaction, I'm splintering myself off from taking responsibility for those choices. I need to 'own' it. And face it, if I want to keep my personal power.
This way it doesn't make anyone right or wrong, it just makes the unconscious, conscious. We are all at different levels of consciousness. So sometimes at the end of the process of communicating maybe the only resolve is to agree to disagree, or to let go and go separate ways, and just maybe give all in involved the bump to move to the next level of progress. Just accept the 'right or the 'wrong' choices and move on. I just need to be open to the process.
However my victim behavior needs to protect me so much, that I with draw, then I over react emotionally – usually with anger or aggression, then shut people out. When I shut people or experiences out, I'm shutting out a part of myself. Again, we can't pick and choose the choices in life to honor. I have to learn to honor the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have to learn to be responsible for all my choices, no matter how hard the pill is to swallow.
All relationships are never easy. But I think we should start with being easy and gentle with ourselves by honoring ALL that we experience, as it is all a gift in our lives – no matter how conscious or unconscious we are, or the level of consciousness, because there is always something that is meant to be learned. Let's open ourselves up to that.
There are always more choices to be made, more mistakes will happen and just being open to the process and opening myself up will lesson the impact of how I react.
(Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. It is 'God's' grace that we must work to create heaven on earth. )
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